God’s Precious Angels

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When most people find out they are expecting a baby your scared and excited all at once. You wonder will it be a girl or boy, will it look like me or my other half. You never expect to hear from the doctors “I’m sorry but you had a miscarriage”, the worse thing a mother can hear.

It all started I would have to say when the guy I was deeply in love with broke up with me. I was crushed and looked for comfort from an ex who always had a thing for me, but I felt it was never anything big and wasn’t thinking. 3 weeks after we got together I found out I was pregnant, talk about being scared and boy I was. The next day after I took a home pregnancy test I started bleeding so I went to the er. I waited an hour for them to tell me I missed carried, and to go on with my life like it never happened. I was so mad thinking what kind of a doctor tells someone that so I wanted a second opinion, so I found an ob/gyn at that hospital. (Mistake) she got my blood type wrong, didn’t tell me I had a retroverted uterus, induced my to all kinds of Bactria there. I had to have two shots of antibacterial to get rid of it all.

I still felt they were wrong I was still pregnant because I was getting a belly and my breast were swelling up really bad. I decided to take another two home pregnancy test, they showed very clearly I was still pregnant. So I made an appointment with my family doctor to find a good ob instead of trying to find one myself. They found me one, but the waiting list was a month in a half away I figured I’d be fine till then. I was guessing I was about 8 or 9 weeks by this time I defiantly looked it. A week before my appointment I started having terrible back pain at 2 am again I went to the er (a different hospital this time). They check my hcg levels then did an ultra sound the baby was there with a very strong beat beat, and my back pain was just my muscle getting ready for the pregnancy. I was so relived after that.

The day came for my ob/gyn appointment, I was so ready for it and my ultra sound pictures. I get there waited to been seen, went in for my ultra sound they found the baby, but the heat beat was gone. I was so confused because I know I just saw it last week, what happened in a week that caused this, what did I do wrong. The doctor told me sometimes these things just happen and we don’t know why. She also told me you are a mother don’t let anyone down play it or say you aren’t, and you have suffered a terrible loss the worst any mother can feel. I had to have a D&C my body couldn’t pass the baby on its own. That night after my appointment I started having labor pains I didn’t sleep any I was hurting so bad, I thanked god my D&C was the next day. I didn’t really get to grieve until two weeks later because of everything.

Three weeks after my D&C I had a follow up appointment to see how everything was healing, but my doctors office calls me two days before to tell me that they tested my baby and it was a molar pregnancy. I wanted to know what it was I asked them on the phone what that was, of course they wouldn’t tell me on the phone. Went to my doctors with a million questions I wanted answered. She came in and told me everything I had a partial molar pregnancy. A partial molar pregnancy is where there is a baby but there are more chromosome of one parent which makes it an abnormal pregnancy. In that case a woman can never carry it to full term, but also it causes a lot of problems for the women, because cells are doubling if the doctors don’t get everything in the D&C it can cause cancer. If they get it all the women has to be checked to see if her hcg levels go up that indicated its coming back and she can not get pregnant from 6 to a year. Scariest time of my life afraid I would never have kids, but I got my all clear and it was gone.

Those of you who may one day have a friend or family member that has a miscarriage, never ever say things like this:
I know how you feel. (Unless you have had one yourself you do not know how they feel!)
You can always try again. (Big mistake why would I want to try again!)
Your to young anyways! (Unless I’m a teenager who are you to say I’m to young!)
For those of you who might have one and I pray no one does, but you never know. Just know you are not the only one. You will feel angry, sad, mad, jealously all these are normal, there is help out there for you and support. Find those people it will help you very much!

My lose and advise,
Kayla

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This entry was posted on September 27, 2012. 4 Comments

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This entry was posted on September 23, 2012. 1 Comment